Sometimes, I miss the old life

Somedays I miss life before diabetes. I miss making cookies and letting Parker lick the bowl clean after. I miss going to McDonald's or reeds dairy to get ice cream and not worrying if he will eat all his dessert because I gave insulin for it. I miss peaceful nights sleep where I wasn't up checking blood sugars and treating lows in the night. I miss dates where I didn't have to worry about leaving him or being back in time to give more insulin or test blood sugars again. I miss dreaming and planning to go visit my sister and the new reality it will never happen because I can't leave my son. I miss going to play at the park or going for walks without the fear that exercise will make his blood sugars drop to dangerous levels. I miss letting him eat whatever whenever he wants! I miss him feeling like he is just like every other kid when in reality he never again will be. I miss the days when a stomach bug or common cold were just that, and not a guaranteed visit to the hospital. I miss the normal fear of medical costs instead of the lifelong expense of thousands of dollars spent a year just to keep him alive. I miss going into public without the fear of judgment because of his constant mood swings from fluctuating blood sugars. I miss him being invited for play dates without the fear of what he is eating or what his levels are while he is gone. I miss that part of me that died the day of his diagnosis. I miss that life. But that's not the life I was blessed with. But I am blessed! I am blessed to have modern medicine and a supportive family, the most amazing husband,and a happy boy who loves life despite his challenges. I know my Heavenly Father gave me this angel to raise because he knew I could do it!! I rely on that faith every day!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't pray for a cure!! I know one day it WILL happen!